East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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