Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
