There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
