His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
