Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize