I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
