I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
