Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
