i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
