the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
