The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
