I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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