Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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