Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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