Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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