She said her name was "party"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
