Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
