I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize