There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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