I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
