I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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