Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Houston, we have a squirter
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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