When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
