omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
