I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
