Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
