they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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