I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize