you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
