literally had 100 drinks last night.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize