did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
