i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
