I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
