you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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