he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I want a musical about memes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
