my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
