i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
