I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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