forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
