After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
