cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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