You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She even gives head with a lisp.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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