bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize