WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
