i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I understand Curling. That high.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
