it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
