Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
