I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dignity is for republicans.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize