he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
