You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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