my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
