You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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