he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
