Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
