I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
