i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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