you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
