Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
