I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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