God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
