walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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