No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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