just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
