I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
