you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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