dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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