pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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