I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She even gives head with a lisp.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
