Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
