my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
50% drunk capacity currently
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
