I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You need Xanax blowdarts
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize