you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
