Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
