Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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