But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
