I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
this beer tastes like vomit already
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
