dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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