You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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