I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
