I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
