In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
