so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
