I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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