just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
