I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
