So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
