from now on my penis is your penis
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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