Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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